I am not fluent in Latin, and I am in need of some help and criticism. I want someone to tell me if there is something wrong with this sentence. I know the sentence itself is not the best way of saying it, and it's an experiment with poetry. I think it is understandable, but I really want a few thoughts about it from someone with more experience with Latin. Please don't laugh if it is completely absurd, and please give me your own translation. Thanks!
Venus venerārī vult vulgo, veniās ventīs vīvificantibus: versiculō venustō vērē velit, ut Vesper vocētur veniatque volāns vīsō vesperæ verbīs lūciferīs vītārum.
The translation I have is
"Venus wishes to be worshiped commonly, and for the graces of the vivifying winds universally: verily she wants a beautiful verse so that Vesper may be invocated and come flying in the face of the evening with words which bring the lights of life."
What is right, what is wrong?
Venus venerārī vult vulgo, veniās ventīs vīvificantibus: versiculō venustō vērē velit, ut Vesper vocētur veniatque volāns vīsō vesperæ verbīs lūciferīs vītārum.
The translation I have is
"Venus wishes to be worshiped commonly, and for the graces of the vivifying winds universally: verily she wants a beautiful verse so that Vesper may be invocated and come flying in the face of the evening with words which bring the lights of life."
What is right, what is wrong?