Caesar ad futūrum instructus nōn est

[Giovarco]

I'm happy if you could correct this little story, enjoy

Caesar ad futūrum instructus nōn est
Mercator: Ave, Caesar!
Caesar: Salvē, cīvis. Cūr hodie hīc esne?
Mercator: Ab Orienti rem novem fero, Caesar!
Caesar: Quid monstrāre vis? / Quid hoc est? (I'd like to say "What is it about?")

Mercator rem capit.

Mercator: Ecce!

Caesar eam introspicit.

Caesar: Ista parva pictura est veri simile! (I'd like to say something like "realistic")

Prætoriani circumspectant inter sē attoniti.

Mercator: Hoc nōn pictura est!
Caesar: Mercator, cūr illam tabulam premis?
Mercator: Hoc tabulum nōn est neque pictura. Tibi monstro, Caesar. Dice "caseus"!

Prætoriani et Caesar bacchantur.

Caesar: Quid?! Quid hæc cadens lux erat?
Mercator: Nomen est "flash" aut "fulgur photographicum". Aspice, Caesar.

Mercator photographemam monstrat

Caesar: Hoc est insania! Veneficium!
Mercator: Venerficium nōn est, Caesar. Futūrus est!
Caesar: Prætoriani, capite impostorem!
Mercator: Ego impostor? Dīmittite mē, allūcinatio est!

Mercator āvehitur et Caesar māchinam infernalem tractat.

Caesar: Mh, quod est "Candy Crush"?

 

[Giovarco]

Really no one? It'd be useful to get a correction. I'm here to learn Or is it the wrong section to get help?

 

[Pacifica]

The problem for me, and probably for others, is that this is a little long. Shorter requests have better chances of being answered. I'd usually require payment for something this long. But I'll try to pop in and correct a small bit at a time. First:

Cūr hodie hīc esne?

-ne shouldn't be used there. It's normally used in yes/no questions (e.g. adesne? "Are you there?") or in the first part of an X or Y question (manesne an abis? "Are you staying or leaving?").

rem novem

You've got the wrong declension in novem.

Caesar: Quid monstrāre vis? / Quid hoc est? (I'd like to say "What is it about?")

Simply quid est? or quae ista res est? would do.

 

[Pacifica]

Oh, also:

Ab Orienti

That would usually be ab Oriente.

 

[cinefactus]

res nova may have negative connotations in Latin

 

[Iáson]

'nouam mercem'?

 

[cinefactus]

Miraculum?

Caseus wouldn’t give you the right facial expression. What about familia?

 

[kizolk]

Caseus wouldn’t give you the right facial expression.

I thought the same, but it works as a joke.

 

[cinefactus]

It should be dic rather than dice
Instead of hoc est insania something like mirum est would be more idiomatic
Not sure that bacchantur is the best word choice. What are you trying to say.
Futurus should be futurum but it doesn’t feel idiomatic

 

[cinefactus]

Veneficum disturbs me too. I would suggest ars magica

 

[Pacifica]

It says veneficium, which seems fine.

 

[Pacifica]

photographemam

Wrong declension. The word is photographema, photographematis.

Ista parva pictura est veri simile! (I'd like to say something like "realistic")

The word choice seems fine, but check the gender agreement of simile.

Mh, quod est "Candy Crush"?

I think you meant quid there rather than quod.

 

[Pacifica]

It should be dic rather than dice

To be fair, dice exists, but it's an archaic form (which you'll find chiefly in early authors like Plautus).

For the anecdote, we tend to use the archaic form in tattoo requests because people understandably don't like the fact that the look of dic evokes a certain English word.

 

[Clemens]

Maybe I’ll get a tattoo saying, Nōlī dīcere dīc, dīc dīce.

 

[Matthaeus]

And tell them it means "don't say dic, just say dice."
lol